february anthem

This is for February, and all it entails.
The month of grief and sorrows seemingly endless.
All the flowers in my garden begin to droop and sigh
and I wonder why?
When everything I hold is really not in my grasp,
but gone from my control held by hands much bigger than my girlish, but worn ones.

So I tell myself, just close your beautiful eyes and dream of the day when you'll meet again.
Because there's so much to live for
it's just hard for me to see it this time of year.
When you feel forgotton, but really there are those who care deeply about you.
You just don't hear them all the time.
They are there in the corner watching and crying with you, just not able to voice it.

All I want to hear is that, in this time, it's ok to feel the way you do.
When you feel like it's wrong, or you shouldn't
cry over something everyone has already long dried their tears over
When those you trust the most seem to have moved on
or even forgotten.
But you, you can never forget because that's just not how you are.

The world sees a calm and collected version of you
oh but inside it's far across the world from that.
And it's okay.
They've sailed their ship, it's your turn to take the helm into waters uncharted.
Healing will come, not by trying, I've learned, but by knowing my Father.

He is the healing I've been trying to find for four years.
People tell you you'll find it
it'll come in time.
But it's right here quietly waiting for you to know.
He loves you so much that He will let you find it in your own timing.
And if you haven't, I promise you that you will.
Just don't force yourself to stand
because if you're not ready it'll hurt and you'll bleed for a while, I know.

So through the winding garden filled with briers untold
The month called February.
You walk silently, crackling leaves beneath your feet
knowing you were once afraid of it, embrace it this time.
I won't run from my grief, because it will hunt you down until the day you die.
But in the midst of it all, that warmth of a daddy protecting you fills your pores
bursting through your teeth with a smile.
It's contradicting, but that's okay.